Weekend Small Talk is Expensive: Efficiency Over Idle Chatter
The office is bustling with quiet activity, a model of efficiency and focus—exactly how you like it. You’re walking back to your desk, coffee in hand, when you hear a voice cutting through the productive hum of the workspace.
Adam (loudly, as though hosting a talk show): “So, Samantha, how was your weekend? Do anything fun? Go anywhere exciting?”
You (pausing mid-step, slowly turning to face him): “Who the devil are you?”
Adam (blinking, confused): “Uh, I’m Adam. I just brought you your coffee five minutes ago.”
You (raising an eyebrow, sipping the coffee): “And now you’re collecting information for a documentary? What’s next, a Netflix special on ‘The Weekends of Colleagues’?”
Adam (awkwardly laughing): “No, I was just, you know, making conversation.”
You (deadpan): “Making conversation? Do you know where you work, Adam? This is not a coffee shop chat circle. If I wanted conversation, I’d have gone to brunch. I didn’t. I came here. To work.”
The entire office has gone silent. Adam fidgets nervously, glancing around for support. Zara, seated nearby, unsuccessfully hides a smirk.
You (leaning slightly closer, voice soft but pointed): “Let me make this simple. Unless you’re planning to turn this into a profitable documentary—or unless Samantha’s weekend directly impacts today’s revenue—don’t waste company time collecting useless data.”
Adam (nodding quickly): “Got it. No more… uh… data collection.”
You (straightening up): “Good. And Adam?”
Adam (nervously): “Yes?”
You (gesturing to the coffee): “The coffee was decent. Keep it that way.”
You turn and walk away, leaving Adam standing there, thoroughly chastened. Zara bursts into laughter the moment you’re out of earshot.
Later, in the Break Room
Adam (slumped in a chair, recounting the incident to Zara and Sam): “She called me the devil. THE DEVIL.”
Zara (giggling): “Technically, she asked who the devil you were. Subtle difference, but still iconic.”
Sam (grinning): “To be fair, you kind of walked into that one. Who asks about weekends here? Rookie mistake.”
Adam (sighing dramatically): “I was just trying to, I don’t know, be friendly or something.”
Zara (mockingly): “Well, now you’re friendly and infamous. Congrats.”
Sam (patting Adam’s shoulder): “Don’t worry, man. You’ll bounce back. Just remember: this isn’t the place for small talk. Efficiency is the only language here.”
Adam (groaning): “Noted. But seriously, I’m never asking anyone about their weekend ever again.”
Zara (laughing): “Smart choice. You’re learning, Adam. You’re learning.”
The office resumes its usual rhythm, but Adam’s weekend faux pas lives on as a cautionary tale for new hires. Lesson learned: In your company, coffee is served black, and conversations are served with purpose.
