The ‘You Do You’ Façade: Escaping Accountability in Style
Kadija’s living room surrounded by the soft hum of quiet conversation from the street below. Zara sets her mug down, her brow furrowed.
Zara:
K, I heard someone the other day talking about how they told their friend, “you do you,” when the friend was clearly making bad choices. Why do people say that? It’s so useless.
Kadija (raising an eyebrow):
Ah, the infamous “You Do You Façade.” Zara, let me break it down for you. It’s not the oblivious masses who say this — they don’t have the capacity. They’re too stuck in their own chaos to even pretend to give advice. No, this comes from a very specific type of insecure person.
Zara:
Who?
Kadija:
The ones who’ve scraped together a sliver of awareness. They’re maybe 5%, 10% secure, but the rest? Still drowning in their own mess. They’ve fixed just enough of themselves to pretend they’re working on their issues, but they don’t have the courage to fully face reality.
Zara (nodding):
So, instead of addressing the real issue, they avoid it by saying “you do you”?
Kadija:
Exactly. They see someone else — usually someone even more insecure — and instead of telling them the truth, they deflect. They say, “you do you,” because they’re too scared to rock the boat. They know if they speak the truth, it might trigger something they’re avoiding in themselves.
Zara:
But isn’t that just enabling bad behavior?
Kadija:
It’s worse than enabling — it’s sabotaging. Because now, they’ve not only avoided dealing with their own insecurities but also added to someone else’s delusion. They’re pretending everything’s subjective when the foundation of life is built on a crystal clear plain.
Zara (leaning forward):
Like what?
Kadija:
Like the fact that no, you can’t just “do you” if what you’re doing is destructive. It’s not “your journey” when your journey is driving straight into a wall. Your actions have a ripple effect on the world. These people use “you do you” to avoid accountability — for themselves and others.
Zara:
So, they’re hiding from the truth by turning everything into some vague, feel-good nonsense?
Kadija:
Bingo. They twist concepts like “find your tribe” or “your vibe attracts your tribe” into this watered-down excuse for inaction. The truth is, they’re terrified of confrontation. They know if they told someone the real deal — like, “Hey, you’re the problem, and here’s what you need to do to fix it” — it would force them to face their own reflection too.
Zara:
But why do they even try giving advice then?
Kadija:
Because it makes them feel better. It’s a performance of false security. They get to feel like they’re “helping” while avoiding anything that might disrupt their fragile balance.
Zara:
So, what’s the solution?
Kadija (sipping her tea):
Real security. Full alignment. If you’re not willing to deal with your own issues, you have no business telling others “you do you.” Because all you’re doing is recycling insecurity.
Zara (smiling):
Wow. So, it’s not just bad advice — it’s toxic advice.
Kadija:
Exactly. And the irony? These same people, years later, will look back and hate themselves for enabling the very nonsense they were trying to avoid.
Zara (laughing):
So, let me guess — you wouldn’t be caught dead saying “you do you”?
Kadija (grinning):
Never. Unless, of course, we’re talking about something subjective — like, you want to eat avocados and ice cream together? Fine, that’s your business. Those things are your personal right and don’t affect anyone, so sure, you do you. But when it comes to universal truths or destructive behaviors, I know where the line is. And don’t let anyone pretend they don’t know where it is either. People damn well know. They just like to act blind when it’s convenient.
