What Makes A Liar

In the delicate balance of leadership and life, one truth stands above all others: lying and truth are binary. A person is either truthful or a liar. There is no middle ground, no part-time honesty, and no “gray areas” of integrity.

A common mistake many make is treating lies as situational or harmless. But every lie—no matter how small—ripples outward, affecting not only the liar but the systems, relationships, and trust that bind everything together. This mistake can cost far more than we can afford.

The Surrendering Officer: A Case Study

Picture this: a high-ranking officer from the enemy’s side crosses into your territory during wartime, claiming they’ve “seen the error of their ways.” They profess loyalty to your cause, offer insights into enemy operations, and appear sincere. What do you do?

A foolish leader would celebrate the supposed victory, welcome the officer with open arms, and immediately start extracting secrets. After all, isn’t this a lucky break? A defecting officer with insider knowledge?

But let’s consider the reality. This individual has already displayed disloyalty—an abandonment of their initial allegiance. The question is not whether they’ve changed sides but whether they can be trusted at all in anything.

The wise course of action is clear: jail them.

Not as a punishment but as a precaution. They’ve proven themselves guilty by their prior actions, and innocence must be earned. Why? Because leadership is not a game of hope or assumptions—it’s a calculated balance of risks and rewards. Trusting a liar, even one claiming remorse is gambling with your operation, your people, and your future.

If this surrendering officer was truthful and wise, they would have either dismantled the harm they believed to have caused from within their own lines or exited the scene entirely, not joining either side, ready to accept any consequence of their actions prior and moving forward.

The Antithesis of Precision

Truth and lies are not just moral concepts—they are rooted in mathematics. Everything in the universe operates with precision, from the orbit of the planets to the structure of the human body. A slight imbalance in oxygen levels, the distance of the sun, or the stability of a bridge can create catastrophic consequences.

Lies disrupt this order. They introduce chaos into a system that demands alignment. A liar cannot operate within the framework of truth because their very existence bends and fractures the structure of reality.

Allowing a liar into your circle means inviting instability.

A leader’s decisions are not made in isolation—they affect people, organizations, and systems far beyond what the eye can see. The liar’s presence, even in seemingly minor roles, undermines this effect, turning it into a wave of uncertainty that can drown everything that’s been built.

The Binary Nature of Lies

Let’s address a common misconception: that people can lie “sometimes” and still be trusted “most of the time.” This is false.

Lying is a defining trait, not an occasional mistake. If someone lies—even about something as seemingly trivial as tossing a candy wrapper (littering) or urinating in a stream (when they know others use the water for swimming, drinking, etc.)—they reveal a willingness to compromise integrity.

And here’s the key: if they lie about something ‘small,’ they’ll lie about anything big.

Can you imagine this same individual advising you on a decision that affects your life? Could you gamble on their honesty when their track record shows a willingness to bend the truth? Would you trust someone to safeguard finances or strategic plans when they’ve proven they cannot even honor the basic principles of honesty?

You wouldn’t—and you shouldn’t.

Emotional Ties

Some people excuse liars because of false emotional ties.

Leadership isn’t about emotional ties or sentimental justifications—it’s about making decisions that protect and sustain the integrity of your mission. Excuses like “I’ve known them my whole life,” “They’re married to my sibling,” or “My mentor told me to stick by them” hold no weight. None of these ‘excuses’ matter when the integrity of leadership and the lives of others are at stake.

It’s not about your feelings. It’s not about protecting emotional bonds. The warning signs are always there, just as problems in a romantic relationship often knock at the door long before the collapse. Ignoring these signs in the name of sentimentality is negligence.

Yet, many leaders have and continue to fail because they put liars in their circle due to misplaced loyalties.

No one in your circle can be a liar, not even the janitor. Why do you think some revaluations begin with someone with as simple a job as a janitor? Reality never acts fake.

Pressure Reveals the Truth

Life is a series of problems and solutions. Problems will arise whether anyone likes it or not—just as surely as hunger returns after a meal or a shower becomes necessary after getting clean.

Life demands balance, and the role of a leader is to maintain that balance, regardless of circumstances.

But when pressure arrives—and it always does—it forces what’s inside a person to come out. No amount of pretending or hiding can withstand the weight of reality. If a person is a liar at their core, that truth will surface when the stakes are highest and leadership cannot gamble with such inevitability.

When Lying Is Necessary

Let’s be clear: there are rare moments when lying is not only permissible but necessary. Life is about constantly balancing the scales. The key is to ensure that the good always outweighs the bad.

For example:

• In War: Military deception is a necessity. You don’t walk into an enemy’s camp and reveal your strategies in the name of honesty. Deceiving the enemy protects lives and ensures success. War itself is built on deception (war is deception), and in this context, lying is not a compromise—it’s a duty.

• To Prevent Greater Harm: If two groups are on the brink of conflict and their hostility threatens widespread damage, it may be necessary to use deception to bring them together. Telling each side, “The other admires and values you,” may not be entirely truthful, but the good of preventing chaos outweighs the harm of the lie.

• In Marriage: Lying in a marriage is not about betrayal but about fostering peace and love when the truth is senseless. If a spouse asks for an opinion on something trivial, like their appearance, and let’s say the truth serves no purpose other than diminishing their confidence, offering a kind lie that uplifts the relationship is a better choice.

In each of these cases, the lie serves a greater purpose, maintaining balance and minimizing harm. This is a recognition of the complex, mathematical nature of life’s decisions.

The Scale of Integrity

This universe is a scale. Every action, whether by nature, people, or animals, tips the balance. A person who lies in small matters—like littering or hiding personal insecurities—cannot be trusted in larger ones. Imagine the irony of someone lying to themselves about an insecurity of theirs…do you seriously think that person would blink an eye when it comes to lying to you? You must be joking with me. Their lack of accountability in minor things reveals a deeper inability to withstand the weight of responsibility.

Trust isn’t built on perfection but on consistency. If a person consistently tells the truth, even their rare mistakes are understood as human error, not a lack of integrity. But when someone lies, even occasionally, they become a gamble—one that no wise person will ever take.

Ending it

Your role is already difficult as it is. Don’t make it worse for yourself by placing people around you whose honesty needs constant babysitting, which makes you carry more weight than you need to and, in turn, affects your decision-making and your personal life. Leaders are simply meant to lead; nothing more, nothing less.